Zipper Chest

[summer 2006]

Marty played more of a role in our house that summer than would be obvious from my lack of writing about him; but I can only remember a handful of events. The one that really stands out though is the time Marty and I worked out together. We had just gotten some free weights at our house along with a new weight bench. Marty and I wanted to get pumped up. I think most guys who work out at home do so shirtless. Something about that seems manly maybe? I am not sure, but whatever reason there is for it, we did it. Our basement was pretty cold, and although we could have just put shirts on, we opted to just put on our UB Roller Hockey zip up hoodies. It was our first time working out, so we figured we'd max out so we would know our baseline. We got up to 250lbs. It was Marty's turn to go and he tried to pump himself up a little bit. He zipped his hoodie up 3/4's of the way and got on the bench. He bobbed up and down for a minute to prepare for the weight. He grasped the bar. I was there to spot him in case he couldn't do that much weight. His previous lift attempts had all gone smooth. He had lowered the weight quickly to this chest, then quickly back up. This time things didn't go so smooth. The weight went down quickly as it had done before, but this time, it happened to land exactly on the zipper.

One might be quick to discount the effects of 250lbs on a zipper on a man's chest, but that would be a mistake. Marty screamed in pain and every ounce of strength he had was gone. I was clueless as to what was going on, but I quickly pulled the weight off of him. Marty just laid there. I asked him if he was ok. He just laid there. Finally, he stood up and unzipped his hoodie. There was a massive indent in his chess from the zipper. It was unmistakable what caused the indentation.

For the next week, Marty was known as zipper chest to everyone in our house. That was also the last time we ever worked out together.

Life Lesson: Don't try and be a tough guy when you work out - wear a t-shirt. Otherwise there is a good chance your will get the nickname "Zipper Chest".